I hate exercise! I don’t know why. It could be because I don’t sweat like a normal person. I’m the type that goes beet red in the face. My body temperature goes to a gazillion degrees–and that’s just after doing 5 minutes of exercise. I wish I liked it but I don’t. But I must in order to be approved for bariatric surgery. So I started walking. Twenty minutes. That’s it. My husband and I walk up to a certain tree on our country road every night. I walk at a good clip. I can still talk but we are certainly not out for a leisurely stroll. I am also continuing to follow Canada’s Food Guide–most of the time. I got on the scale today and to my surprise I have lost 10 pounds! Oh, and did I mention I feel better? Now if I could only get addicted to this type of thing rather than food and sitting on my duff on the computer ! Therein lies the challenge. Therein lies the key to a new life. Bring it on!
I’m falling into it again! It’s called all or nothing thinking but I like to call it “stinkin’ thinkin'”. Today I started out great. My sugar levels were good, I was following Canada’s Food Guide and then, “Bam!” I found a M&M bag of candy that my son had brought home from the bulk food store. After three hearty handfuls of the delightful morsels I felt tremendously guilty and scared. Self doubt crept in and before I knew it I was in a miserable mood and doubting whether I should even be having this surgery because I am just going to gain all my weight back. And all this happened in 5 minutes!!!
Well, not this time. Hell no, I will not go. Why? Because this type of thinking got me to where I am today. I put the pout aside and reviewed all the things that I did right today. I walked for 20 minutes, drank 8 glasses of water and didn’t eat a thing after supper. So take that “Stinkin’ Thinkin'” Mama’s still got her groove and tomorrow is a new day!!!
So, after I met with the bariatric nutritionist from Windsor, she told me that they would like me to lose 20 pounds before they will approve me for surgery. They want me to show them that I am willing and able to eat healthy and exercise before this whole process begins. Now, I get this, but man, it is hard! The reason why it is so hard is because it feels like dieting. About two years ago I decided to “stop the insanity” of dieting. By the way, do you know the definition of insanity? It’s when you continue to do something over and over without getting any results. Kind of like hitting your head against a brick wall. Exactly like dieting: Lose weight, gain it back and more, lose weight, gain it back and more. Sound familiar? After I swore off dieting I gained more weight, plus I developed diabetes and sleep apnea. I did plateau with my weight but realized that I wouldn’t be living a long life if I continued down this path. Now, I am trying to follow Canada’s Food Guide, which is healthy eating, right? But, it is also what Weight Watchers promotes. Weight Watchers, which I have tried many, many times over my 32 years! Do you see my dilemna? Somethings gotta give. Looks like this time it’s going to have to be me!
Today I start into the journey of writing about my upcoming gastric bypass surgery. In the next few months I will share my thoughts, feelings and information about the whole process. I hope to provide a place where I can share what I’ve learned with others who are about to embark on this same voyage, as well as those still wondering if this type of weight loss process is right for them.
Let me begin by saying that I have been dieting since I was 16 years old. I am now 48. That is 32 years of thinking myself unworthy, fat and ugly. When I look back at pictures of myself in my youth, I am amazed that I thought myself overweight. I contribute some of this body dysmography to reading Seventeen magazine and comparing my body to the reed-thin, no hip waifs that donned each page and advertisement. I also contribute some of my weight issues to a generation of men who basically “liked their women thin.” Although I cannot blame anyone, really, for me packing on the extra pounds, I can say that these influences pushed me toward a life of feeling “I’m not enough” and trying to stuff that not “enoughness” with food.
The primary reason I am having bariatric surgery is because I have Type 11 Diabetes and Sleep Apnea. If I don’t do something now, chances are I could develop some pretty awful life threatening sicknesses. I have tried every weight loss scheme going, from the always dreaded cabbage soup diet to Weight Watchers. I can lose the weight but I just cannot keep it off. Neither can 99% of people who also diet. The odds are better with bariatric surgery. 70% of people keep their weight off. Guess which one I’m going with?